Ever notice how when you're busy trying to run a campaign, suck up to some major donors, and set up oil derricks all over creation, the losers just seem to keep coming out of the woodwork?!? Seems like when you're running for president you can't go ten steps without hearing some sob story from somebody about how they lost their job etc. etc. etc. And the worst part is, your speechwriter wants to hear aaall about it so he can "work 'em in to the narrative." Well, now your worries are over...just insert random bullshit into this handy DW Convention Speech Madlib and get back to dinner with those lobbyists!
"And so I am reminded of (Common male name) and Linda (Midwesterny last name) from (town with pop. less than 50,000), (swing state). He recently lost his job at the (Greek God name) Cockring Factory when all the jobs were shipped over to (country with lots of little brown people) and Linda recently lost her (body part) in a semi-tragic recliner accident. They can't afford a caregiver to stay with their son, Little (cute boy's name), who was recently diagnosed with (who are we kidding..."special needs"). Now, my friends, you know, ordinarily you and I couldn't give two (plural noun) about (body part) like these, but it's an election year, so let's at least go through the motions. I promise you, though, if I am elected President I will (verb) them in the (body part) like there's no tomorrow and I'll keep on (verb) and (verb) and (verb) them until it's time to get re-elected!...Hey, all you (body part)suckers in the matching cowboy hats and western shirts, you gotta be (verb) kidding me! You aren't the (small, horse-friendly town in Oregon) Delegation by any chance, are you? What's that? Trigger ran away again? Sorry, can't help you with that.
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