the double wide salon

dude, i'm totally moving to Iran.

They make you get stoned for committing adultery there.  It's like the law or something.

Iran judiciary confirms men stoned to death for adultery

TEHRAN (AFP) — Iran's judiciary on Tuesday confirmed that two men had been stoned to death for adultery in the northeastern city of Mashhad while a third struggled from the stoning hole and escaped with his life.

"As you saw in reports, there were three stonings carried out in Mashhad. They were convicted of adultery, that is an affair with a married woman," judiciary spokesman Ali Reza Jamshidi told reporters.

Salieri Shits a Brick! Previously Unknown Mozart Piece Discovered in Museum

An original, unknown piece of music by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart entitled, Wer Ließ die Hunde Heraus?, was discovered recently in a French museum according to curator Jean-Paul Clovis-Sartre. "Eet is le glorious to have discovered an unknown work by ze master! Zis work has neveer been performed en publique! We have sent for a German translateur to tell us what eet means, ze title, and zen we will have more to report about zees fascinating deescovery."

Weekend Fun 'n Games: DW Convention Speech Madlib

Ever notice how when you're busy trying to run a campaign, suck up to some major donors, and set up oil derricks all over creation, the losers just seem to keep coming out of the woodwork?!? Seems like when you're running for president you can't go ten steps without hearing some sob story from somebody about how they lost their job etc. etc. etc. And the worst part is, your speechwriter wants to hear aaall about it so he can "work 'em in to the narrative." Well, now your worries are over...just insert random bullshit into this handy DW Convention Speech Madlib and get back to dinner with those lobbyists!

"And so I am reminded of (Common male name) and Linda (Midwesterny last name) from (town with pop. less than 50,000), (swing state). He recently lost his job at the (Greek God name) Cockring Factory when all the jobs were shipped over to (country with lots of little brown people) and Linda recently lost her (body part) in a semi-tragic recliner accident. They can't afford a caregiver to stay with their son, Little (cute boy's name), who was recently diagnosed with (who are we kidding..."special needs"). Now, my friends, you know, ordinarily you and I couldn't give two (plural noun) about (body part) like these, but it's an election year, so let's at least go through the motions. I promise you, though, if I am elected President I will (verb) them in the (body part) like there's no tomorrow and I'll keep on (verb) and (verb) and (verb) them until it's time to get re-elected!...Hey, all you (body part)suckers in the matching cowboy hats and western shirts, you gotta be (verb) kidding me! You aren't the (small, horse-friendly town in Oregon) Delegation by any chance, are you? What's that? Trigger ran away again? Sorry, can't help you with that.

And Now, a Little Something for the "Special Needs" Adults in Our Audience

Mass Confusion in St. Paul as Shitload of Mavericks Show Up to Accept Republican Nomination

We take you now live to our correspondent on the floor of the RNC:

"Oh, the humanity! It's a sea of mavericks down here, folks, as the floor of the RNC has become innundated by people and things who do not act in a manner that people are accustomed to. No one, and I mean no one, is behaving as they ought, a few of them appear to need bodywork, and, yet, they are all claiming the right to a spot on the Republican ticket. One maverick hasn't lost a hand all night despite claiming to have no poker experience whatsoever, another keeps putting up 3-pointers instead of working for a good shot, and yet another offers the roominess of a 4-door with the get-up-and-go of a sportier model. The one bright spot for Republicans: Joe Lieberman is still the same gigantic asshole he's always been."

Report: McCain Continues to Raid Mondale's '84 Campaign Playbook in Search for "Other Great Ideas"

Fresh off his stunning selection of an unknown, inexperienced female as his VP, a McCain spokesman says he's not done picking Mondale's brain yet. "Let's just say folks are gonna be mighty surprised when the ol' Maverick promises to raise their taxes in his upcoming convention speech. We feel like this strategy gives us the best chance at carrying Minnesota."

May Ye Be in Texarkana an Hour, before the Devil Knows Yer Dead

Death comes for us all they say and today it came for the great Jerry Reed. The last surviving 1/3 of the DW's Holy Trinity: Fred Sanford, Barney Fife, and the Snowman, has gone to his reward. Where does this leave us...we can't know for sure. But, I do know this: somewhere out there Jerry's drinking a cup of coffee and leaning on a long, formica counter trimmed in gold. "When You're Hot, You're Hot" is playing on the jukebox and the waitress has a twinkle in her eye. Jerry's thinking about ordering the pork chops and gravy. But he won't. Everybody on the road knows, when you finally pull into St. Peter's Moto-Plex and Diner, the first thing you got to do is try the pie. Enjoy the pie, Jerry, enjoy the pie.

P.S.  When you get a chance, say hello to Red Sovine and the Teddy Bear from all us here at the Double Wide.

Life's to short to do whatever it is I been doin'...so, in honor of Jerry Reed...I'm back bitches!

Team WFO- DoubleWide Olympic Futbol

Team DoubleWide Kicks Ass!!!!!!!!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

McCain is a fucking Genius

Plays to a crowd of 7 at Schmidt's Restaurant und Sausage Haus.  Way to take the wind out a Barry's sails!
This does not even count the Dunderbaks contingent.  Bonus- Lindsey Graham was in the HAUSE!

I'll see your Mapplethorpe and raise you a Piss Christ