the double wide salon

Salieri Shits a Brick! Previously Unknown Mozart Piece Discovered in Museum

An original, unknown piece of music by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart entitled, Wer Ließ die Hunde Heraus?, was discovered recently in a French museum according to curator Jean-Paul Clovis-Sartre. "Eet is le glorious to have discovered an unknown work by ze master! Zis work has neveer been performed en publique! We have sent for a German translateur to tell us what eet means, ze title, and zen we will have more to report about zees fascinating deescovery."

Tarp Lazer Palin..That's My Alaskan Name! Find Out What Yours Is!

http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html

DW Media Watch-Dog Report: Sexism Alert! Charlie Gibson Interviews Palin, Can't Stop Talking About Bush

(Todd and Sarah Palin w/ some of their children)

Look, I'm not gonna pussyfoot around on this issue, what Charlie Gibson did during his nationally televised interview with Sarah Palin the other night was a national disgrace. Period. ABC News scored a gigantic coup when it landed Palin and any responsible journalist would have taken the opportunity to ask her some relevant questions. Things like: How did you find time to stop the Typhoid Fever outbreak in your remote frontier village, while at the same time caring for, Babe, your giant blue ox? Or: It's been reported that you requested $400 million in federal earmarks to build a theme park called, Belviewood, in Adak based on the exploits of Lt. Belvedere James Frier IV. Do you think a flume ride called "The Milk Truck Ride to Nowhere" is the wisest use of our tax dollars? Should the federal government be asked to underwrite something called "The Naugahyde Round-Up Bumper Car Experience" while we are fighting two wars, suffering through an economic downturn, and our teenagers are getting knocked-up right and left ?

If the DW had been granted the first Palin interview, you can rest assured we would have gotten to the bottom of those issues...and more. Period. I mean, she keeps asking for federal funds, but Alaska has the most untapped resources of any state in the Union. Doesn't she know she's sitting on a goldmine? Anyway, the point is, our questions would have been tough, but fair, and the fact that she's a woman would never have crossed our minds. Period. What's the first thing on old Charlie's mind, though...bush! Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush. And not just bush..but, bush doctorin'! As far as I'm concerned that's between her and her gynecologist. Period. It got so bad, after a few minutes I couldn't help thinking about her bush, too.  I actually found myself preparing my own list of questions about her bush...and I'm a liberal! First, I wondered if it was as wild and untamed as the Alaskan back-country, itself. Oh, God, and then I started thinking about her Alaskan back-country. That's the way the MSM gets these memes started. You start out trying to have a substantive discussion of the issues, but some hack journalist starts talking about bush and by the end of the day's news cycle you don't have any pants on.

Anyway, I'm surprised Mrs. Palin sat for it, I really am. Sometimes you can spout a bunch of sexist crap like that to a woman and get away with it, but if you try that while she's PMSing you'll be lucky if she doesn't cut your dick off. I'd say Charlie got lucky this time. She was clearly well-prepared and well-cooched by the McCain people. Period. I admired the trim of her jib through the whole thing, frankly.

Weekend Fun 'n Games: DW Convention Speech Madlib

Ever notice how when you're busy trying to run a campaign, suck up to some major donors, and set up oil derricks all over creation, the losers just seem to keep coming out of the woodwork?!? Seems like when you're running for president you can't go ten steps without hearing some sob story from somebody about how they lost their job etc. etc. etc. And the worst part is, your speechwriter wants to hear aaall about it so he can "work 'em in to the narrative." Well, now your worries are over...just insert random bullshit into this handy DW Convention Speech Madlib and get back to dinner with those lobbyists!

"And so I am reminded of (Common male name) and Linda (Midwesterny last name) from (town with pop. less than 50,000), (swing state). He recently lost his job at the (Greek God name) Cockring Factory when all the jobs were shipped over to (country with lots of little brown people) and Linda recently lost her (body part) in a semi-tragic recliner accident. They can't afford a caregiver to stay with their son, Little (cute boy's name), who was recently diagnosed with (who are we kidding..."special needs"). Now, my friends, you know, ordinarily you and I couldn't give two (plural noun) about (body part) like these, but it's an election year, so let's at least go through the motions. I promise you, though, if I am elected President I will (verb) them in the (body part) like there's no tomorrow and I'll keep on (verb) and (verb) and (verb) them until it's time to get re-elected!...Hey, all you (body part)suckers in the matching cowboy hats and western shirts, you gotta be (verb) kidding me! You aren't the (small, horse-friendly town in Oregon) Delegation by any chance, are you? What's that? Trigger ran away again? Sorry, can't help you with that.

happy 63rd birfday clovis

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Let's make monkey love next to a dead moose in the back of my f150, ban some books, shotgun marry my daughter to a meth addled redneck, do a little four-way ass-play with John and Cindy...
Happy Birthday to you!

* others celebrating a birthday today:

• Jesse James
• Raquel Welch
• Freddie Mercury

And Now, a Little Something for the "Special Needs" Adults in Our Audience

Mass Confusion in St. Paul as Shitload of Mavericks Show Up to Accept Republican Nomination

We take you now live to our correspondent on the floor of the RNC:

"Oh, the humanity! It's a sea of mavericks down here, folks, as the floor of the RNC has become innundated by people and things who do not act in a manner that people are accustomed to. No one, and I mean no one, is behaving as they ought, a few of them appear to need bodywork, and, yet, they are all claiming the right to a spot on the Republican ticket. One maverick hasn't lost a hand all night despite claiming to have no poker experience whatsoever, another keeps putting up 3-pointers instead of working for a good shot, and yet another offers the roominess of a 4-door with the get-up-and-go of a sportier model. The one bright spot for Republicans: Joe Lieberman is still the same gigantic asshole he's always been."

Report: McCain Continues to Raid Mondale's '84 Campaign Playbook in Search for "Other Great Ideas"

Fresh off his stunning selection of an unknown, inexperienced female as his VP, a McCain spokesman says he's not done picking Mondale's brain yet. "Let's just say folks are gonna be mighty surprised when the ol' Maverick promises to raise their taxes in his upcoming convention speech. We feel like this strategy gives us the best chance at carrying Minnesota."

May Ye Be in Texarkana an Hour, before the Devil Knows Yer Dead

Death comes for us all they say and today it came for the great Jerry Reed. The last surviving 1/3 of the DW's Holy Trinity: Fred Sanford, Barney Fife, and the Snowman, has gone to his reward. Where does this leave us...we can't know for sure. But, I do know this: somewhere out there Jerry's drinking a cup of coffee and leaning on a long, formica counter trimmed in gold. "When You're Hot, You're Hot" is playing on the jukebox and the waitress has a twinkle in her eye. Jerry's thinking about ordering the pork chops and gravy. But he won't. Everybody on the road knows, when you finally pull into St. Peter's Moto-Plex and Diner, the first thing you got to do is try the pie. Enjoy the pie, Jerry, enjoy the pie.

P.S.  When you get a chance, say hello to Red Sovine and the Teddy Bear from all us here at the Double Wide.

Life's to short to do whatever it is I been doin'...so, in honor of Jerry Reed...I'm back bitches!

alvie spotted in london nightclub

Missing chanteuse/troubador photographed after taking a fall in a posh London nightclub.  If you have any information about his whereabouts, please contact the double wide salon immediately.